Reflections

Reflections is a weekly meme hosted by Kristin of A Simply Enchanted Life and Fizzy of Fizzy Pop Collection. Every Sunday we will dig deeper in our recent reads to explore the real-life lessons within the pages. Reading the book yourself is not necessary to participate. If you would like to host your own reflection, you’re welcome to copy and paste this introduction, with the link to our pages. You may use our current or prior reflections or come up with your own.

In ‘Murder Simply Brewed‘ by Vannetta Chapman the barista is murdered. In chapter five Hannah talks to her mother about Ethan’s death. Eunice reminds her that death ‘marks a place with special memories because it’s where a soul left this world and entered the next.’ Sometimes people are uncomfortable with death. What can we do to make such times easier for each other?

Death is hard. It’s something that, despite my faith, is hard to truly comprehend because we haven’t actually experienced it. We experience the loss of a loved one’s life but we aren’t the one that is gone. The aftermath of death is uncomfortable for so many reasons whether the passing was expected or not. Part of that is because no two grief experiences are the same. When my friend Karen passed in the spring of 2017 my reactions and the way I processed that loss was completely different than when Amanda passed back in February. Both were close friends in different ways. Karen was my eternal champion, my cheerleader while also being a voice of reason. Amanda was my every day bestie, we carried each other through the highs and lows of life. Both losses were hard, both losses were life impacting, and both losses lead to different grief paths. And neither have I settled with, so to speak.

I had to address that line though, ‘marks a place with special memories because it’s where a soul left this world and entered the next.’ I’ve avoided parts of town because of The House. The house were Amanda passed. I’ve seen pictures on Facebook as her family has done what they can to clear the personal items from the house. This last week I’ve seen pictures as the house has started to come down. And those pictures make everything fresh all over again. I couldn’t bear to see the house in the state it was left in – post fire. I couldn’t think of that corner lot without an overbearing crash of emotions. But now that it’s being removed, I miss it. I miss the memories and experiences that house holds in it. That house is filled with special memories, not because Amanda passed away there but because Amanda LIVED there. That house also holds those memories, still raw, of the place where she left this world and entered the next. That house. . .

Here’s the deal. I don’t intend to go on and on with yet still a rush of emotions. I mean Karen has been gone for over a year and it’s still fresh on some levels. And that’s just it. People, as a whole, are uncertain about death. It makes us nervous (what if it was us), it makes us uncomfortable (there’s nothing we can even attempt to make it better), and it makes us confused (we haven’t experienced what’s on the other side). Because we are confusingly, uncomfortably nervous we tend to not talk about it and try to quickly pretend that it’s not a thing. Both as a grieving person and as a support to the one that is hurting. Grief is not one size fits all, there’s no time limit, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Speaking for only myself, the one thing that I thought would help make the whole process easier is to know that a month, six months, two years down the road people are still open and willing (and not judging) to stand with you in the hurt. That friends are open to setting aside their prejudice (it’s there whether we realize it or not) about how long is acceptable to grieve and just be there. Listen, don’t minimize. Check in six weeks, six months, even six years down the road if needed. Let those you love know that hurt and pain has no expiration date. My grandparents have been gone for many years (30 years to not quite 11 years) and yet things pop up that remind me of them. It never goes away.

I’ll be honest. I wanted to do something a little different for Memorial Day weekend. This question called out to me. Yes, it’s not about the loss of someone who died while serving our country and protecting my freedoms. But it is about honesty and heart and even hope. This weekend we honor and remember those who have gone before us. I just wanted to take a moment to honor those who have to stay behind. I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions in the comments below.
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